Meh

I feel flat. Partly impatient, even though waiting another 2 weeks actually suits us well. Partly just... weird. Maybe its the pill hormones.
Bah.

Emotional freakout

Rambling thoughts... Feeling so strange about all of this. Freakin out about going back to treatment. The pill is making me feel a bit nauseous and off; I feel really snappy and tense already too, more from being a bit anxious than anything else though. I am depressed about the only one embie back thing; most people I know that had success on their first cycle of IVF did so with 2 transferred resulting in a singleton pregnancy. I am dubious of success. Bitter and cynical!

Just feel a bit... I don't know what! Maybe because of that negativity, I am not super excited and so I feel I am putting myself through all this with not much belief in it working, at least not the first time around. So, 3 weeks til the next thing happens, and in that time I will try and get lots of uni stuff done so that IVF ramping up and uni assignments due all at once is not too stressful.

Verdict

That was your hint. How ironic and strange it is, to start assisted conception by taking the pill!!!

Dr. Foster was really good. She asked our history and then asked what we wanted to do, and we of course said IVF please. She said she agreed that was a sensible decision given the mucking about we had already done.

She will only transfer 1. Before going, I thought that with my age and that we knew we CAN conceive, one was best for us anyway, but now shes said it I feel like our chances of it working just halved. I am an odd one.

She asked when my last period was and I said 10 days ago and that I only get them every 80-100 days; so she decided to do a scan on the spot and my lining looked good (she taught me how to read the ultrasound which was great, didn't look like the moon anymore); and then said I could start tomorrow (ie today!).

So, after sorting the $$ - we are away this morning. I took a pill. I told Dad he could have ownership rights over any baby that might be created, especially when it needs a nappy change. :D

Now I have to call the MIVF nurses this morning and tell them I have started. I have NO idea what happens form here. I do know that J has to make an appointment to give a sperm sample but he chickened out of making it yesterday. I was NOT impressed. I have to do most of the hell, he has that one test. Why I oughta... lol.

it is all happening so quickly. Yesterday I was just so overwhelmed and felt like crying and laughing at once. The reality of returning to all the invasive treatment, the finances, the broken dreams seemed to hit a bit. At the same time, I am excited (but to be honest, not overly hopeful). J reminded me that the way to look at it is not that this cycle will work, but that one of three or so will. I like that. I can do that. So here we go!

Tired and nervous

Feeling out of sorts today. Really anxious and on edge about tomorrow. Hoping it goes the way I want it to.. a go ahead.

Also tired and worn out from caring for sick boys. Just snappy and nervous. This time tomorrow, will know where I am with everything...

All systems are go!

Got my referrals all sorted this morning. I really like my GP, she is lovely. She put in that we wanted to go right to IVF and that we had already done IUIs etc. She made it for J and I together and ongoing, and for both Doctors. She included the issues both of us have. Very comprehensive!

So now we are set to go for Tuesday. Nervous as hell.

Decisions, decisions.

Ok, in chatting to other ltttc/ACers both in my little circle and on bellybelly, the amount required for the acup/herbs is too much for the potential affect. I think what I will do is get myself some herbs for complementary meds to the IVF, and have the occasional massage for relaxation throughout treatment. Weekly or fortnightly, depending where I am at. I think that will give me much the same affect, or close to. I would like to do the acup, but IVF will cost a bomb and I don't want to struggle to afford it.

So decision made! Now to get Tuesday over with so I know where we are at... Am so nervous about it. I want her to say IVF lets go... and then for the preliminary stuff to take a little bit of time til we have the cashola in our hands in November! We'll see how we go. Fingers crossed. :)

To acupuncture or not to?

It was great, I feel very relaxed and floopy. But, its gonna cost. A lot. She wants to start biweekly for a bit, then reduce. She wants me on herbs also. Its going to cost me a little over $120 a week for at least 5 weeks... I guess I have to weigh it all up.

Herbs are: bupleurum and danggui formula and also ginseng and danggui eight combination. She also wants me to get some flaxseed oil and Vitex (chaste tree). And acupuncture twice a week for about 5 weeks, then weekly and so on.

I don't know, it is a LOT of money. But if it helps us conceive first go, its worth it. Maybe once I have seen the specialist on Tuesday and know when and what we are doing re treatment it will help.

Need to talk it all over with J and sort money etc out properly I think! a

Acupuncture ahoy!

I made an appointment to start acupuncture tomorrow. The therapist, Margaret, specialises in womens issues etc and certainly knows her stuff. She is also endearingly Canadian, and reminds me of my Canadian mate, Erika, who I spent many fun times with in 01. I love that accent. teehee! When I said I wanted to do it in conjunction with IVF but that I thought I needed to start this first, she agreed and seemed to know exactly what I was on about so thats good.

Anyhoo, I will probably need 8-14 weeks of weekly therapy, then it will scale back. Cost is $50 per 45min session, more for herbs if required. Not a fan of herbs though! Not the gunky funky tasting ones anyhoo! So, bit nervous, but also curious about it - will let you know how it goes, am scheduled for 11am tomorrow!

More stuff

Ballarat is not looking good:

Hi Kelly,
Your initial consult fee do see Dr Bardsley will be $167.00 of which $99.25 will not be claimable from medicare. IVF fees vary depending on whether you have private health insurance. The up front fee will be approx $4,500, you will be eliglble for a medicare rebate the amount being dependant on your medicare safety net. Blood tests will need tobe done through St John of God Pathology and scans through Lake Imaging so I imagine Ballarat will be your closest providers. Hope you can make sense of all this! We can clarify and give you detailed quotes when you see Dr Bardsley.

Bugger. Never mind, if all goes well on Tuesday with MIVF, I will cancel that appointment all together.

Also received this email in reply to another query I had with our PHI -

The item number 13212 is covered under your policy. You have Public Hospital cover with a $400 excess. The item is only covered in a public hospital with the doctor of your own choice.

Which surprised me, although I think our excess will be more than MIVF charge anyway!!

Extra info

I made the appt to see a Dr at MIVF and then realised she was not the Sunshine (closest) clinic Dr. I rang MIVF this morning though, and asked does it have to be that clinics Dr or can I see Dr Foster at her rooms but still do all my bloods and scans at sunshine?

Yes! Dr is irrelevant. Thats good because the Dr at Sunshine is only there Wed arvo and because of small mans school hours, afternoons are not suitable. So I would have had to see him elsewhere at other times anyway.

Also realised that to get to that clinic, its not TOO bad in terms of traffic because I only go as far down the Calder as Sydenham then turn off, and it doesn't get hectic really, until from and after the Sydenham on ramp (as far as I can recall anyway). And if I tried it once and found it was busy, I could always go the back way thereafter, which would be just an extra 10 mins or so. Not so bad after all...

I emailed Ballarat IVF today also, and asked if IVF is required, how do the payment options all work, and I am going to call MIVF accounts later and ask the same. Am hoping one or both, allow you to pay just the gap fee upfront, and bill medicare directly for their share. This would mean the difference between needing to find $3000 (which we can currently do by mid November); and $5000 which would not be possible til Jan/Feb next year.

We will try something before the years end (from Nov) - whether that is IVF or IUI is yet to be seen. Because we already have a child, our safety net for medicare is far lower, at $520 of which we already have $120 toward, and given I am still to see a GP for referrals and have these 2 specialist appointments, we are obviously going to be close to it anyway, so might as well start now. Oh correction, I think we are now on 1029 safety net coz we dont get family tax A anymore, only B. Bugger! Thats 500 less we get back! Oh well. Otherwise, costs are as I imagined, although next weeks appointment just to see the Dr is $170-. Yowsers!

Resume transmission

Just a note on the blog name: Mr MyFaceTube and I were laughing at internet fads and decided millions await us if we combine My Space, Facebook and YouTube. Hence MyFaceTube. :D It appealed to our wit!

Big decision has been made, the return to fertility treatment awaits us. A brief history rundown:

TTC #1
Briefly:
3 natural cycles (approx. 90 – 100 days in length each).
1 cycle 50mg clomid
4 cycles 100mg clomid – conception 16/11/02; Son born induction delivery 08/08/03.

TTC #2
Briefly:
2 cycles no treatment (cycles approx. 90+ days)
1 cycle 50mg clomid
2 cycles 100mg, started metformin (500mg) as well.
1 cycle 150mg (undetected ovulation)
5 cycles 200mg (first detected too late)
IUI 1 – negative.
IUI 2 - Negative.

We then took a two year break from treatment, from sheer exhaustion. Aside from the pregnancy and 5 months after, infertility had been our lives for 6 years. To have a break was heavenly, although much was spent grieving the loss of multiple children. I didn't see the return to treatment coming at all, we felt we were done, bu here we are! Have since lost 4kg and started metformin again and currently cycles are approx. 85 days ish.

I want a closer clinic this time, so am sussing 2 out. I also would like to move fairly quickly on to IVF, not faff about with more IUI treatment, so again, sussing this and payment options out (ideally pay gap amount and bill medicare directly) as this will impact when we can start.

I have an appointment Tues 18 Sep and one Fri 21 Sep, a busy week. I don't know how I feel about it all. Partly excited, hopeful and happy; partly terrified, anxious and tense. Still surprised at the decision also! My husband always said he wasn't wanting to return to AC but would support me if I did. He recently changed his mind which gave me the ability to freely admit I felt the time was right too. So here we go!