9 dpo/EPU and I am clearly feeling the anxiety. The last 2 nights I have had the most horror filled dreams - the first night I was being smothered by evil demons and couldn't breathe or get free or wake up. Last night was a little better, but I was a spy of some sort (that part was sort of cool); except there was much shooting and my sister was used as a decoy and I knew it was fake so said for them to shoot her and then vomited everywhere from having to make such a call and what if it had not been fake etc... Charming eh? I then was showing a home video to a lecture theatre of important people and it began showing me as a fat ugly child - totally humiliating... Clearly I am anxious. Its really only the last day or so I have been consciously aware of that anxiety beginning to make itself at home. I do not feel the slightest iota positive or hopeful. I just want it over now which is a bit horrible to say I suppose.
Next cycles I want assisted hatching. Aside from that, I have no idea what to do to get a better result :( Only a few days to go...
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TTC History
December 2009 - Our beautiful daughter is born, and our journey is complete, we have one remaining frostie bub we will probably transfer someday, but not pursue if it fails to take.
March 2008 - IVF/ICSI #3 antagonist cycle. Overstim, 20 eggs retrieved. Only 2 average/above average quality embryos, one transferred, one frozen. BFP!
Feb 2008 - IVF/ICSI #2 Flare cycle cancelled due to poor response (2 follicles)
Oct/Nov 2007 - IVF/ICSI #1 Down reg cycle. Possible overstim, 30 follicles, 11 eggs retrieved. Only 2 average-poor quality embryos, both transferred. BFN.
Sept 2007 - Decided to return to treatment for 12 months, giving it our all. Found worlds best FS and began down regging for cycle 1. SA indicated need for ICSI.
Jan 2006 - Decide to end treatment altogether, forever. Grieve deeply for the overwhelming sense of loss for almost 2 years.
Nov 2005 - IUI #2 Have 3 Follicles. BFN xmas eve.
Sept 2005 - IUI #1 Have 2 Follicles. BFN.
Aug 2005 - Seek new treatment with new FS.
July 2004 - July 2005 - Clomid from 50mg through to 200mg over 12 months. All BFN.
Jan - July 2004 - Natural cycles and metformin cycles. All BFN.
August 2003 - Dec 2003 - Our only ttc free time!!!
8 August 2003 - Our precious son is born.
Dec 2002 - Clomid 100mg: BFP!
Oct - Dec 2002 - Resume Clomid 100mg x 2 cycles Both BFN.
May 01 - Oct 2002 - J illness. Break from ttc almost 18 months.
Feb 2001 - Begin clomid at 50mg x 1 BFN and 100mg x 1 BFN.
Sep 2000 - Decide to ttc#1, see FS, diagnosed PCOS. Natural cycles. All BFN.
March 2008 - IVF/ICSI #3 antagonist cycle. Overstim, 20 eggs retrieved. Only 2 average/above average quality embryos, one transferred, one frozen. BFP!
Feb 2008 - IVF/ICSI #2 Flare cycle cancelled due to poor response (2 follicles)
Oct/Nov 2007 - IVF/ICSI #1 Down reg cycle. Possible overstim, 30 follicles, 11 eggs retrieved. Only 2 average-poor quality embryos, both transferred. BFN.
Sept 2007 - Decided to return to treatment for 12 months, giving it our all. Found worlds best FS and began down regging for cycle 1. SA indicated need for ICSI.
Jan 2006 - Decide to end treatment altogether, forever. Grieve deeply for the overwhelming sense of loss for almost 2 years.
Nov 2005 - IUI #2 Have 3 Follicles. BFN xmas eve.
Sept 2005 - IUI #1 Have 2 Follicles. BFN.
Aug 2005 - Seek new treatment with new FS.
July 2004 - July 2005 - Clomid from 50mg through to 200mg over 12 months. All BFN.
Jan - July 2004 - Natural cycles and metformin cycles. All BFN.
August 2003 - Dec 2003 - Our only ttc free time!!!
8 August 2003 - Our precious son is born.
Dec 2002 - Clomid 100mg: BFP!
Oct - Dec 2002 - Resume Clomid 100mg x 2 cycles Both BFN.
May 01 - Oct 2002 - J illness. Break from ttc almost 18 months.
Feb 2001 - Begin clomid at 50mg x 1 BFN and 100mg x 1 BFN.
Sep 2000 - Decide to ttc#1, see FS, diagnosed PCOS. Natural cycles. All BFN.
Common terms & abbreviations of assisted conception.
TTC - Trying to conceive
LTTTC - Long Term Trying To Conceive
AF - Aunt Flow (Period)
AC - Assisted Conception
AI/IUI - Artificial Insemination/ IntraUterine Insemination
TWW - Two Week Wait (between conception and testing)
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
BFN - Big Fat Negative (re pregnancy test)
BFP - Big Fat Positive (re pregnancy test)
IVF - InVitro Fertilisation
ICSI - IntraCytoplasmic Sperm Injection
OPU/EPU - Ovum or Egg Pick Up
ET - Embryo Transfer
ER - Embryo Retrival (OPU/EPU)
FET - Frozen Embryo Transfer
Protocol - Type, Amount and timing of drugs in AC cycles
ART - Assisted Reproduction Technology
Beta - Blood test for pregnancy hormone HCG
HCG - Human Chorionic Gonadotrophin - Hormone produced in pregnancy and also used to trigger ovulation. Can also be used as luteal phase support.
LP - Luteal phase - the time between ovulation and a period arriving.
Stims - Follicle stimulating hormone drugs
Folli(es) - Follicles
BT - Blood Test
FSH - Follicle Stimulating Hormones (drugs)
Down reg - down regulated IVF protocol, suppresion drugs prior to AF, then FSH meds
Meds - Medicines
Flare cycle - FSH drugs from the start of a cycle, no suppression
Assisted Hatching - Creation of a weakness or hole in the zona (shell) of an embryo to assist its ability to hatch and implant.
Blast - Blastocyst Culture - the growth of embryos in-vitro to day 5 or 6 before transferring
GnRH agonist - Gonadotrophin Releasing Hormone agonist - Used to stop the pituitary gland from becoming involved in follicle growth and the natural ovulation process. Drugs are Synarel and Lucrin.
Progesterone Pessaries - Suppositories adminstered vaginally around embryo transfer to enhance chances of pregnancy.
Crinone - Progesterone in gel form as an alternatve to pessaries.
PGD - Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis
LTTTC - Long Term Trying To Conceive
AF - Aunt Flow (Period)
AC - Assisted Conception
AI/IUI - Artificial Insemination/ IntraUterine Insemination
TWW - Two Week Wait (between conception and testing)
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
BFN - Big Fat Negative (re pregnancy test)
BFP - Big Fat Positive (re pregnancy test)
IVF - InVitro Fertilisation
ICSI - IntraCytoplasmic Sperm Injection
OPU/EPU - Ovum or Egg Pick Up
ET - Embryo Transfer
ER - Embryo Retrival (OPU/EPU)
FET - Frozen Embryo Transfer
Protocol - Type, Amount and timing of drugs in AC cycles
ART - Assisted Reproduction Technology
Beta - Blood test for pregnancy hormone HCG
HCG - Human Chorionic Gonadotrophin - Hormone produced in pregnancy and also used to trigger ovulation. Can also be used as luteal phase support.
LP - Luteal phase - the time between ovulation and a period arriving.
Stims - Follicle stimulating hormone drugs
Folli(es) - Follicles
BT - Blood Test
FSH - Follicle Stimulating Hormones (drugs)
Down reg - down regulated IVF protocol, suppresion drugs prior to AF, then FSH meds
Meds - Medicines
Flare cycle - FSH drugs from the start of a cycle, no suppression
Assisted Hatching - Creation of a weakness or hole in the zona (shell) of an embryo to assist its ability to hatch and implant.
Blast - Blastocyst Culture - the growth of embryos in-vitro to day 5 or 6 before transferring
GnRH agonist - Gonadotrophin Releasing Hormone agonist - Used to stop the pituitary gland from becoming involved in follicle growth and the natural ovulation process. Drugs are Synarel and Lucrin.
Progesterone Pessaries - Suppositories adminstered vaginally around embryo transfer to enhance chances of pregnancy.
Crinone - Progesterone in gel form as an alternatve to pessaries.
PGD - Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis
6 comments:
Oh my G-d--what horrible dreams. Sending so many good thoughts for the end of the wait.
Yikes, what yucky dreams! Hope those don't continue. As for the 2ww, I *know* how rough it is - hang in there hun.
You know I'm thinking about you all the time hon.
Thinking of you.
Go Here and spread the word
http://averyopenbook.blogspot.com/2008/03/gifts-up-for-grab.html
I'm counting them down, though probably not with the same consciousness as you! Keeping my fingers crossed though.
Sorry for the bad dreams! I hate anxiety dreams. Hang in there and breathe. Easier said than done, i know...but try it: In...2...3...4...Out...2...3...4...blah, blah, blah.
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