Not great news. Of the 20, only TWO made it. Two!!! I burst into tears. Then they made me decide what I wanted to do. They said they wanted only to do zero or one, but not two unless I was adamant because if 2 took, my ohss could be so bad I would need to abort. It may not, of course, but I needed to know the risks blah blah fucking blah.
I ended up putting one grade 2 (1 best 5 worst quality) back and freezing a grade 3. I am devastated. I cried the whole transfer.
It seems I have to borderline overstim everytime just to have anything to put back, and if they ARE quality, then I will never be allowed put 2 in. Its not fucking fair.
This is all so, so hard. :( I am gutted. Yes I have one back but I have zero faith.
PLEASE NO PITY. I do NOT want to feel like a "poor kel" whatever case. Just not interested.
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TTC History
December 2009 - Our beautiful daughter is born, and our journey is complete, we have one remaining frostie bub we will probably transfer someday, but not pursue if it fails to take.
March 2008 - IVF/ICSI #3 antagonist cycle. Overstim, 20 eggs retrieved. Only 2 average/above average quality embryos, one transferred, one frozen. BFP!
Feb 2008 - IVF/ICSI #2 Flare cycle cancelled due to poor response (2 follicles)
Oct/Nov 2007 - IVF/ICSI #1 Down reg cycle. Possible overstim, 30 follicles, 11 eggs retrieved. Only 2 average-poor quality embryos, both transferred. BFN.
Sept 2007 - Decided to return to treatment for 12 months, giving it our all. Found worlds best FS and began down regging for cycle 1. SA indicated need for ICSI.
Jan 2006 - Decide to end treatment altogether, forever. Grieve deeply for the overwhelming sense of loss for almost 2 years.
Nov 2005 - IUI #2 Have 3 Follicles. BFN xmas eve.
Sept 2005 - IUI #1 Have 2 Follicles. BFN.
Aug 2005 - Seek new treatment with new FS.
July 2004 - July 2005 - Clomid from 50mg through to 200mg over 12 months. All BFN.
Jan - July 2004 - Natural cycles and metformin cycles. All BFN.
August 2003 - Dec 2003 - Our only ttc free time!!!
8 August 2003 - Our precious son is born.
Dec 2002 - Clomid 100mg: BFP!
Oct - Dec 2002 - Resume Clomid 100mg x 2 cycles Both BFN.
May 01 - Oct 2002 - J illness. Break from ttc almost 18 months.
Feb 2001 - Begin clomid at 50mg x 1 BFN and 100mg x 1 BFN.
Sep 2000 - Decide to ttc#1, see FS, diagnosed PCOS. Natural cycles. All BFN.
March 2008 - IVF/ICSI #3 antagonist cycle. Overstim, 20 eggs retrieved. Only 2 average/above average quality embryos, one transferred, one frozen. BFP!
Feb 2008 - IVF/ICSI #2 Flare cycle cancelled due to poor response (2 follicles)
Oct/Nov 2007 - IVF/ICSI #1 Down reg cycle. Possible overstim, 30 follicles, 11 eggs retrieved. Only 2 average-poor quality embryos, both transferred. BFN.
Sept 2007 - Decided to return to treatment for 12 months, giving it our all. Found worlds best FS and began down regging for cycle 1. SA indicated need for ICSI.
Jan 2006 - Decide to end treatment altogether, forever. Grieve deeply for the overwhelming sense of loss for almost 2 years.
Nov 2005 - IUI #2 Have 3 Follicles. BFN xmas eve.
Sept 2005 - IUI #1 Have 2 Follicles. BFN.
Aug 2005 - Seek new treatment with new FS.
July 2004 - July 2005 - Clomid from 50mg through to 200mg over 12 months. All BFN.
Jan - July 2004 - Natural cycles and metformin cycles. All BFN.
August 2003 - Dec 2003 - Our only ttc free time!!!
8 August 2003 - Our precious son is born.
Dec 2002 - Clomid 100mg: BFP!
Oct - Dec 2002 - Resume Clomid 100mg x 2 cycles Both BFN.
May 01 - Oct 2002 - J illness. Break from ttc almost 18 months.
Feb 2001 - Begin clomid at 50mg x 1 BFN and 100mg x 1 BFN.
Sep 2000 - Decide to ttc#1, see FS, diagnosed PCOS. Natural cycles. All BFN.
Common terms & abbreviations of assisted conception.
TTC - Trying to conceive
LTTTC - Long Term Trying To Conceive
AF - Aunt Flow (Period)
AC - Assisted Conception
AI/IUI - Artificial Insemination/ IntraUterine Insemination
TWW - Two Week Wait (between conception and testing)
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
BFN - Big Fat Negative (re pregnancy test)
BFP - Big Fat Positive (re pregnancy test)
IVF - InVitro Fertilisation
ICSI - IntraCytoplasmic Sperm Injection
OPU/EPU - Ovum or Egg Pick Up
ET - Embryo Transfer
ER - Embryo Retrival (OPU/EPU)
FET - Frozen Embryo Transfer
Protocol - Type, Amount and timing of drugs in AC cycles
ART - Assisted Reproduction Technology
Beta - Blood test for pregnancy hormone HCG
HCG - Human Chorionic Gonadotrophin - Hormone produced in pregnancy and also used to trigger ovulation. Can also be used as luteal phase support.
LP - Luteal phase - the time between ovulation and a period arriving.
Stims - Follicle stimulating hormone drugs
Folli(es) - Follicles
BT - Blood Test
FSH - Follicle Stimulating Hormones (drugs)
Down reg - down regulated IVF protocol, suppresion drugs prior to AF, then FSH meds
Meds - Medicines
Flare cycle - FSH drugs from the start of a cycle, no suppression
Assisted Hatching - Creation of a weakness or hole in the zona (shell) of an embryo to assist its ability to hatch and implant.
Blast - Blastocyst Culture - the growth of embryos in-vitro to day 5 or 6 before transferring
GnRH agonist - Gonadotrophin Releasing Hormone agonist - Used to stop the pituitary gland from becoming involved in follicle growth and the natural ovulation process. Drugs are Synarel and Lucrin.
Progesterone Pessaries - Suppositories adminstered vaginally around embryo transfer to enhance chances of pregnancy.
Crinone - Progesterone in gel form as an alternatve to pessaries.
PGD - Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis
LTTTC - Long Term Trying To Conceive
AF - Aunt Flow (Period)
AC - Assisted Conception
AI/IUI - Artificial Insemination/ IntraUterine Insemination
TWW - Two Week Wait (between conception and testing)
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test
BFN - Big Fat Negative (re pregnancy test)
BFP - Big Fat Positive (re pregnancy test)
IVF - InVitro Fertilisation
ICSI - IntraCytoplasmic Sperm Injection
OPU/EPU - Ovum or Egg Pick Up
ET - Embryo Transfer
ER - Embryo Retrival (OPU/EPU)
FET - Frozen Embryo Transfer
Protocol - Type, Amount and timing of drugs in AC cycles
ART - Assisted Reproduction Technology
Beta - Blood test for pregnancy hormone HCG
HCG - Human Chorionic Gonadotrophin - Hormone produced in pregnancy and also used to trigger ovulation. Can also be used as luteal phase support.
LP - Luteal phase - the time between ovulation and a period arriving.
Stims - Follicle stimulating hormone drugs
Folli(es) - Follicles
BT - Blood Test
FSH - Follicle Stimulating Hormones (drugs)
Down reg - down regulated IVF protocol, suppresion drugs prior to AF, then FSH meds
Meds - Medicines
Flare cycle - FSH drugs from the start of a cycle, no suppression
Assisted Hatching - Creation of a weakness or hole in the zona (shell) of an embryo to assist its ability to hatch and implant.
Blast - Blastocyst Culture - the growth of embryos in-vitro to day 5 or 6 before transferring
GnRH agonist - Gonadotrophin Releasing Hormone agonist - Used to stop the pituitary gland from becoming involved in follicle growth and the natural ovulation process. Drugs are Synarel and Lucrin.
Progesterone Pessaries - Suppositories adminstered vaginally around embryo transfer to enhance chances of pregnancy.
Crinone - Progesterone in gel form as an alternatve to pessaries.
PGD - Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis
11 comments:
Ok...I'm not sorry for you, but can I be soooo upset with you? If that had happened to me, i would have been devastated and probably would have needed heavy sedation. But that said...you did get to put one back, so I'm going to try to be positive about that. Because this little embryo needs you to be calm so it can snuggle in tight and cozy. Breathe.
No pity here hon, just complete respect for what you are going through right now xxx
no pity, but a bit of congratulations on your transfer. It only takes one darling and this may just be it.
Well, that all sux, but - what bec said. And I will be keeping my fingers very crossed for that one minuscule embryo.
Thank you all, I just felt embarrassed at the idea of people thinking "Poor Kell..." and at my failure :(
I'm seeing a transfer of an embryo so I'm not seeing failure at all. I'm seeing disappointment at something outside your control and grief from losing something you pre-loved. But also a woman in a state of hope.
I have a hard time with the pity/failure thing too. I understand.
I am sorry though, sorry that you have had such a rough time. I do hope that the transfer is successful and this disappointment will all be forgotten (well, I hope you know what I mean)
Let's call this "the little egg that could".
Good wishes.
Just came over from the L&F. Instead of being sorry (your call for "no pity" really made me think about how often we just fall back on that, and it really just becomes a reflex reaction), I'll offer this: you are incredibly strong for doing this and taking on this journey. I wish you the best and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Yay! You did it! It only takes one.
Just want to say good luck...one is good..as my blog says...it only takes one egg!!!
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