Sunday, March 16, 2008

Transfer

Not great news. Of the 20, only TWO made it. Two!!! I burst into tears. Then they made me decide what I wanted to do. They said they wanted only to do zero or one, but not two unless I was adamant because if 2 took, my ohss could be so bad I would need to abort. It may not, of course, but I needed to know the risks blah blah fucking blah.

I ended up putting one grade 2 (1 best 5 worst quality) back and freezing a grade 3. I am devastated. I cried the whole transfer.

It seems I have to borderline overstim everytime just to have anything to put back, and if they ARE quality, then I will never be allowed put 2 in. Its not fucking fair.

This is all so, so hard. :( I am gutted. Yes I have one back but I have zero faith.


PLEASE NO PITY. I do NOT want to feel like a "poor kel" whatever case. Just not interested.

11 comments:

Isn't it pretty to think so said...

Ok...I'm not sorry for you, but can I be soooo upset with you? If that had happened to me, i would have been devastated and probably would have needed heavy sedation. But that said...you did get to put one back, so I'm going to try to be positive about that. Because this little embryo needs you to be calm so it can snuggle in tight and cozy. Breathe.

Bec said...

No pity here hon, just complete respect for what you are going through right now xxx

judy said...

no pity, but a bit of congratulations on your transfer. It only takes one darling and this may just be it.

Kirsten said...

Well, that all sux, but - what bec said. And I will be keeping my fingers very crossed for that one minuscule embryo.

FiestyKel said...

Thank you all, I just felt embarrassed at the idea of people thinking "Poor Kell..." and at my failure :(

The Town Criers said...

I'm seeing a transfer of an embryo so I'm not seeing failure at all. I'm seeing disappointment at something outside your control and grief from losing something you pre-loved. But also a woman in a state of hope.

Carrie said...

I have a hard time with the pity/failure thing too. I understand.
I am sorry though, sorry that you have had such a rough time. I do hope that the transfer is successful and this disappointment will all be forgotten (well, I hope you know what I mean)

JuliaS said...

Let's call this "the little egg that could".

Good wishes.

annacyclopedia said...

Just came over from the L&F. Instead of being sorry (your call for "no pity" really made me think about how often we just fall back on that, and it really just becomes a reflex reaction), I'll offer this: you are incredibly strong for doing this and taking on this journey. I wish you the best and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Shel said...

Yay! You did it! It only takes one.

MoMo said...

Just want to say good luck...one is good..as my blog says...it only takes one egg!!!